


Until The Day I Die ♡ Thiam

by fuckthiam



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, M/M, Thiam, Thiam AU, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 19:54:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13395084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckthiam/pseuds/fuckthiam
Summary: “Do you know that feeling when you just want everything to stop? That feeling when life becomes too much and you just wish you could disappear. Can you make it stop? Please make it stop…” Theo whispered. His body was shaking and it took a lot of effort to keep his phone close to his ear. The pills that Theo and Liam were supposed to sell were scattered around on the floor next to him.“Theo? What is happening? Where are you?” Liam asked, voice trembling in fear with every word he tried to get out.“Liam...” Theo choked out, gasping for air.“Theo! Theo, where are you? I’m going-” Liam was cut off by loud banging noises that were coming from Theo. “THEO!?”





	1. Bad Ending

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any mistakes. English is not my native language! ♡  
> Grab your tissues, icecream, chocolate, wine, a pillow to scream in and get ready for this oneshot!  
> Trigger warning? Don't read this if you're in a bad headspace.

**Thiam AU**

_Where Theo and Liam are drug dealers_

_Where Theo is a drug addict_

 

* * *

 

“Can you please stop staring at me, we have a lot of deliveries today and I need you to fill these plastic bags with five pills each.” Theo snapped, shoving a bottle full of pills and a few plastic bags towards Liam.

Liam didn’t react and instead kept staring at Theo’s face as if his face was the most interesting piece of art on this world. Which probably was when Liam thought of it. He could look at his perfect jawline and messy hair for hours, or his beautiful eyes and full lips… or his cute nose? Liam ticked with his finger on the table to draw Theo’s attention.

“Are you really getting your nose pierced?” Liam asked curiously. “I’m just trying to imagine it, so I can figure out if I’m gonna like it or not.”

“Liam!” Theo yelled angrily, slamming his fist on the table.

“Okay, okay! You should totally get it, I think it will suit your edgy personality…” Liam murmured, grabbing the bottle and plastic bags quickly. They stayed quiet for a few minutes, filling the plastic bags with pills in silence, but Liam hated silences so it didn’t take long for Liam to open his mouth again.

“But are you really getting your nose pierced?” Liam asked quietly. Theo threw his head back and closed his eyes while taking a deep breath.

“Why is it so difficult to get mad at you.” Theo grunted, shaking his head. He didn’t understand how he’d end up with Liam in a shady student house and selling drugs almost everyday. Becoming roommates with Liam was the worst or best decision of his life. He felt slight remorse for Liam because Theo dragged him into the drug dealers circuit, but Liam needed money and a roof above his head so it was a win/win situation really.

“Was that a compliment?” Liam’s head shot up, blinking at Theo in confusion.

“Sure buddy…” Theo said, patting Liam on the back and standing up. He grabbed the black backpack from under the table and filled it with the drugs that he was going to sell today. Liam stood up as well, but Theo pushed him back down on the chair.

“Remember what happened the last time you tried to sell these?” Theo said warningly, waving with his backpack in front of Liam’s face. Theo regretted it immediately when he saw Liam’s smile disappear. In a reflex Liam touched his face, remembering the moment he almost got beaten up to death when he decided to go alone instead of waiting to go together with Theo. He ended up being chased, beaten up and left for dead by a couple of junkies, after they stole all the stash from his backpack. Theo found Liam unconscious on the ground and had to take care of him for more than a week. Theo swore that he would kill the people that did that to Liam if he would cross paths with them again.

“How am I supposed to get money if you don’t let me help? It was three weeks ago, I can’t let you do my job forever.” Liam said, looking down sadly.

“When it’s safe you can join me again…They could come back...” Theo tried, but Liam didn’t look at him anymore. Theo sighed and looked at the clock, he had to leave and he hated to leave when Liam was sad. He lifted Liam’s chin with his hand, forcing him to look up.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to worry. I only have to sell eleven packages and I’ll be back tomorrow, with you favorite food...” Theo murmured, but when Liam didn’t smile or looked slightly happier he placed his fingers on the corners of Liam’s mouth and pressed them up. Liam bursted out laughing, slapping Theo’s hands away. “Works every time.”

“I hate you.” Liam laughed, pushing Theo away.

“I hate you too.” Theo winked at Liam and walked towards the door.

*

“Please, I need more…” A girl with torn clothes launched herself at Theo. “I don’t have enough money for another package after this one, is there anything else I can give you in return?” She grabbed the package out of Theo’s hands and turned around to open the package with shaking hands. Theo stopped her, spun her around and opened his hand.

“Money first.” Theo said sternly, frowning as the girl grabbed a ball of money and dropped it in his palm. He counted the money quickly and wanted to walk away, but the girl grabbed his arm tightly with sweaty hands.

“Wait! I need more…” The girl yelled in panic. She kneeled down in front of Theo and tucked at his jeans, but he pushed her away in disgust before she could unbutton his jeans.

“Don’t put yourself down like that, if you want more you need to find a job and get money. I only exchange drugs for money.” Theo grumbled as he re-adjusted the backpack on his back and swallowed nervously. He was scared that he would become like her if he would run out of money. Would he have sex for drugs?

Theo walked away quickly, leaving the girl alone in the dark. He sighed and noticed that he started quivering like the girl. His mind was going everywhere now; too many thoughts and he couldn’t shut the bad ones out anymore. He was overwhelmed by all his senses and it made him go crazy.

Theo only had to sell nine packages instead of eleven. Theo had lied to Liam again and this time he didn’t feel good about it at all. He always hated it, but it was different this time. Liam was his only friend, his best friend, his roommate, he was even more than that. Theo loved him. The questioning look in Liam’s eyes made his stomach turn, Liam was going to find out soon and Theo would lose him. Theo didn’t want to disappoint him, but he craved the drugs more than he craved Liam. Liam would never forgive him. Would it be better to leave now? _It would be better for Liam,_ Theo thought. He wanted his thoughts to stop, but they only got worse.

Theo walked through the streets quickly, heading to the cash machine at the corner or the main street to withdraw money. With shaking hands he got the money for the last two packages and hurried away. Proof that he sold the other two packages. More lies, more secrets. Theo climbed up a fire exit next to a dark apartment and jumped up to the roof in silence. He kneeled down, removing a loose rock and revealed a bottle full of pills. He opened the bottle with trembling hands and opened the last two packages of drugs. He dropped them on the ground by accident. _Breathe in and breathe out slowly,_ Theo thought. He placed two pills on his tongue and the other pills back in the bottle. He swallowed the pills eagerly, letting himself roll on his back. He looked at the bright full moon in the sky. _Breathe in, breathe out._ Stars were always hard to see when you lived in a big city, but the moon was always bright at night. _Breathe in, breathe out._ It didn’t take long for Theo’s vision to become a blur and for everything to become slower and softer. No one or nothing could get to him now, no emotions or complicated feelings, no pain, no stress, just him and the bright moon. He rolled to the side and grabbed the bottle, placing another pill in his mouth. He didn’t even bother to swallow it.

*

“You’re back!” Liam said happily, crashing into Theo who didn’t even get the chance to close the door behind him. When Liam smelled the burgers from his favorite place across the street he looked at Theo with big eyes. “Food…”

“Are you happy to see me or to see the food?” Theo laughed, walking to the kitchen and placing the bags on the counter.

“You of course!” Liam said, eyes fixated on the bags with food. Theo laughed out loud, shaking his head, something he did a lot when he couldn’t understand Liam sometimes. Theo walked back to the hallway to kick out his shoes and to drop his jacket on the ground. He opened his backpack, grabbed the money and walked back to the kitchen where Liam had already unpacked the food.

“Hey Liam…” Theo said, to draw his attention. He threw a hand full of money in the air and made it rain money on Liam. Liam gasped in shock and tried to catch as much as possible.

“You always know how to impress me.” Liam hummed with the biggest smile spread across his face. Theo hooked his finger behind Liam’s jeans and pulled Liam closer without warning.

“Do I?” Theo whispered, face inching closer to Liam’s.

“W-What are you doing?” Liam stuttered and he felt his face heaten up. The moment Liam thought that Theo would actually crash his lips on his mouth, he felt something getting tucked into his jeans. With a yelp he jumped back, grabbing a hand full of money out of his jeans in shock. He looked at his fist full of money and looked at his jeans, then towards Theo and back to the money, processing what just had happened. Theo was looking at him with a daring smile, eyes dark and a look that seemed oddly familiar. Liam couldn’t quite place it, but he had seen it often lately.

“Yup, you definitely know how to impress me.” Liam said, sitting down at the dinner table. He shot Theo a shy smile and started to eat in silence.

 

After dinner, Liam counted the money as always so they could split it up. Liam noticed that they missed some money and he felt stupid when he checked his jeans to see if there was nothing left there by accident.

“Theo, we’re missing like fifty dollars…” Liam said and he catched Theo tensing up when he spoke. Theo was laying on the couch, almost falling asleep as he tried to follow a tv show on the small flat screen on the wall.

“I’m gonna check your jacket, maybe it’s in there because it’s not in your backpack…” Liam mumbled and Theo looked up in shock. Theo jumped up, but he was too late. Liam was already in the hallway.

“Got it! Hey, wait… Theo?” Liam yelled from the hallway. Theo swallowed nervously and walked towards Liam. “I think we have a problem…”

Liam held his hand open, two pills laying on the palm of his hand. He looked at Theo with wide eyes.

“It probably fell out of one of the packages.” Theo said and he wanted to take the pills, but Liam closed his hand.

“If someone finds out that they got three instead of five, that could be a big problem!” Liam yelled in terror. “It’s my fault, I probably didn’t close the packages right. What if they come back, like the others? What if they beat-”

“Liam, calm down! Just calm down… It’s not your fault, we just have to wait for them to contact me and I will bring that person three pills as a ‘sorry’, it will be fine! And not everyone who pays for drugs are bad like the guys that hurt you.” Theo said, pulling Liam in for a hug. He felt so disgusting, lying to Liam like that, making him worry about two pills he wanted to take before he went to sleep. “Let’s just go to sleep…”

 

Theo always slept on the couch, he prefered the couch over the bed in his bedroom. He was shaking again, craving to be drugged and get his thoughts away from everything. He waited for Liam to fall asleep. After a few hours he tiptoed to Liam’s bedroom and opened the door silently. Theo peered inside and when he heard Liam breath in and out heavily he knew he was fast asleep. Theo scurried to the kitchen table where Liam placed the pills.

Theo placed the two pills in his mouth and swallowed quickly. He sat down on the chair and stared into the dark, waiting for the pills to do their job. He jumped up in shock when he heard Liam’s bedroom door.

“Theo?” Liam croaked, questioning why Theo wasn’t sleeping on the couch. He walked towards the kitchen. “Are you okay? Why aren’t you asleep?”

“I’m good, Liam please go back to sleep…” Theo begged, eyes wide in fear. Liam’s eyes scanned over the table and he looked at Theo with a frown. Theo placed his hands on Liam’s shoulders, spun him around and leaded him back towards Liam’s bedroom.

“Wait, I- I have to pee…” Liam whispered and hurried out of the bedroom. Theo waited in Liam’s bedroom and plopped down on his bed. Hoping that Liam would hurry up, because he started to feel heavy. When Liam came back he looked at Theo with disgust.

“Where are the pills? I placed them on the table…” Liam asked with his voice unsteady.

“I placed... put them back in the bottle, because we can still sell them...” Theo whispered. Liam walked towards Theo, stopping in front of him and checking him out. Theo felt the drug kicking in, it made him feel funny and soft. With a grin he grabbed Liam by his waist and pulled him closer. He looked up to meet Liam’s glistening eyes. Not the glistening eyes Liam had when he was happy, the glistening eyes he had when he was sad. Liam knew.

“How many days?” Liam asked, hand wiping away a tear angrily. “That dark look in your eyes, I’ve seen it a lot this week. How many days, Theo?” Theo tried his best to stay into the reality. He didn’t want to smile, he really didn’t, but he had not control over his body. Liam punched him hard in his face out of frustration and anger. Theo’s smiled disappeared and he looked at Liam with a cold face expression. His lip started to bleed, but he couldn’t care less.

“God dammit Theo!” Liam cried out, putting his hands into his hair. “Rule number one! Under no circumstances take the drugs yourself. Those were your words! Your words!”

Theo could hear Liam speak, but couldn’t react. Tears were streaming down Liam’s face, his breathing unsteady. He started to pace back and forth in the bedroom.

“What do I have to do, Theo please tell me…” Liam whispered and he sniffed. He looked at Theo’s emotionless face, breaking into another sob. Theo looked away and shifted on the bed, not being able to watch Liam falling apart any longer.

“I’m- I’m sorry Liam…” Theo stammered. He he clenched his jaw. Theo loved the feeling the drug gave him, but it was different this time. He felt trapped.

“For fucks sake! Why didn’t you tell me! Why did you take it in the first place, I thought you were happy, that we were good. How many things you said to me were drugs influenced you talking?” Liam stopped in front of Theo, ready to punch him in the face again. Instead he sucked up a breath and kneeled in front of Theo, placing his hands on his legs. Theo looked up in surprise and watched a big tear rolling from Liam’s cheek to his chin.

“I’m not letting you destroy yourself. I can help you, I’ll take you to go rehabilitation clinic.” Liam whispered. Theo’s hand found Liam’s wrist awfully fast.

“No.” Theo said coldly.

“I’m not going to watch you die.” Liam swallowed nervously and he inched closer. He had a terrible idea, but it was the only idea that he could come up with. “I’m not gonna sit back and do nothing, I going to help you. If you want it or not.”

“Liam…” Theo sighed, he loosened his grip on Liam’s wrist.

“You’re gonna hate me for doing this, but it’s for your own good…” Liam whispered, inching closer and pressing his lips on Theo’s forehead softly. Theo looked up in surprise, eyes wide and he grabbed Liam’s shirt tightly. Liam moved even closer, tears streaming down his face again and he pressed his lips softly on Theo’s mouth. He deepened the kiss and he tasted the salt from his tears, the iron from Theo’s blood and a distant taste of the drug.

“I’m sorry…” Liam whispered against his lips.

When Liam pulled back from the kiss, he noticed that Theo started crying too. He looked at Liam with the sweetest smile and it broke Liam’s heart in tiny pieces, because Theo would hate him for what he was about to do next.

“I’m sorry…” Liam said again, walking backwards to his bedroom door, reaching for the keys that he placed on the shelf next to his door. When Theo’s mind progressed what Liam was about to do, his face expression changed from love to hate in a split second. Liam grabbed the key with shaking hands, accidentally letting it slip from his hands and it clattered on the ground towards Theo. Theo jumped towards the key, falling on the ground with a loud thud. Liam hurried to the key, grabbing it from the ground before Theo could reach it.

“Liam!” Theo yelled in anger and betrayal. Tears streamed down his face like a waterfall.

“I’m so sorry!” Liam cried out. He felt like he was going to throw up. Quickly he ran outside, closed the door with a bang and locked the door from the other side.

“LIAM!” Theo yelled and he heard shuffling from the other side of the door. “I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU!”

Liam let himself slide down against the door and he broke into a sobbing mess. The panic attack he was trying to suppress hit him like a train as he heard Theo scream on the other side of the door.

“I’m so sorry, Theo I’m sorry…” He kept whispering through the short breaths.

*

“Liam, Liam I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean anything what I said last night…Please, let me out!” Theo begged and he knocked on the door softly. “I won’t take any pills, I promise! I need you to let me out!”

Liam felt more broken than he did when he almost got beaten up to death. With trembling hands he filled the plastic bags with pills and closed them tightly. When the phone that they used for their drug dealing business lit up, he grabbed it slowly. It showed another order with a time and place. Liam looked at his bedroom door nervously.

“I wish we could just run away from this…” Liam whispered sadly.

“LIAM! You have to let me out someday! I’m hungry and I need to go to the toilet… You don’t want your room to be a mess, do you?” Theo yelled from the other side of the door. Liam ignored it, he had seen many drug addicts going through withdrawal symptoms. They would go through three phases. Phase one, Theo would do anything to get his drugs, withdrawal symptoms start and it will drive Theo mad. Phase two, Theo would get sick and the withdrawal symptoms will get physical, he would probably be throwing up a lot and sweating a lot. Phase three, the most important one, Theo would need the strength to overcome his desire and be away from the drugs as far as possible. The last phase would be the hardest, but Liam was trying to figure out how to do that. Run away was not an option.

“I’m gonna jump out of the window…” Theo muttered, but the window that could open was too small. Liam wished he didn’t have anything in his room that could break the glass. “I’m gonna break the fucking window!”

“Theo, you don’t want to do this… This is not you!” Liam yelled back, finally talking to Theo after a long night of ignoring the harsh words that came out of Theo’s mouth.

“Liam! Liam, thank god you’re still here! Please, you have to let me out, please let me out!” Theo begged, knocking on the door loudly.

“No.” Liam simply said, grabbing his backpack and filling it with the packages of drugs.

“LIAM PLEASE!” Theo screamed at the top of his lungs, which made Liam flinch. He hoped no one could hear him.

“I’m going out and deliver some packages Theo, I’ll be back soon.” Liam whispered against the door.

“No, Liam you can’t leave me. Liam, I love you, please don’t leave me alone here!” Theo whimpered, scraping with something against the door. He heard Theo sniffing and he wanted to open the door so badly and lock himself up with Theo. He wanted to hug him, disappear from this world and go somewhere else.

“I’ll be back soon, I love you too Theo…” Liam said, knocking on the door softly. He heard Theo cry on the other side of the door. It broke his heart.

“I love you, I’ll love you until the day I die, Liam please…”

*

At night Theo lost his mind, like actually lost his mind. Liam was still not home and he was worried sick. He didn’t know if it were the withdrawal symptoms that made him sick or that he was actually worried sick. The worst thoughts made a way into his mind and he had slammed his head against the door in a continuous motion to try and make the thoughts stop. Maybe they actually killed Liam this time. Theo couldn’t take it anymore.

“Somebody please open the goddamn door!” Theo yelled, voice raw from all the screaming. Theo paced through the room. He had absolutely destroyed Liam’s bedroom. The closet was laying on it’s side, the clothes were scattered through the room and the mattress was shoved from the bed. The shelves were broken in half and the doorknob from the bedroom door was laying on the ground. There was nothing in the room that he could use to break the window or door with.

After a while Theo couldn’t take it anymore and started running into the door a few times. When the door didn’t budge he ran against the wall and when he created a dent he gasped in shock, laughing maniacally. He did it over and over, until he created a hole to the other side and landed with a loud smack on the floor in the living room. He groaned in pain and crawled back on his feet.

“Can my mind please SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Theo yelled, grabbing his head and pulling at his hair. Theo swore he heard voices.

“FUCK!” Theo yelled and he looked up, scanning the living room. He saw his phone on the couch and he saw the bottle with pills on the kitchen counter. _Take the pills._

“NO!” Theo walked towards the kitchen counter and smacked the bottle on the ground. _Yes_

“Make it stop, please…. I can’t take it anymore!” He cried out, as he dropped on his knees and collected the pills from the ground. One by one he put them in his mouth, scanning the ground for more. _Liam is better off without you..._

“Liam?” Theo gasped, he stopped collecting the pills immediately. He tried to stand up and walk towards the couch slowly with a fistfull of pills. With shaking hands he picked up his phone, dropping the pills in the action and tried to look into his contacts, but his vision was a blur. He could vaguely see Liam’s face on the screen and pressed on the green button. Liam picked up immediately.

“Theo?” Liam squeaked. Theo tried to speak but no words came out. He cleared his throat and tried again.

“Do you know that feeling when you just want everything to stop? That feeling when life gets too much and you just wish you could disappear. Can you make it stop? Please make it stop…” Theo whispered. His body was shaking and it took a lot of effort to keep his phone close to his ear. The pills that Theo and Liam were supposed to sell were scattered around on the floor next to him.

“Theo? What is happening? Where are you?” Liam asked, voice trembling in fear with every word he tried to get out.

“Liam...”Theo choked out, gasping for air.

“Theo! Theo, where are you? I’m going-” Liam was cut off by loud banging noises that were coming from Theo. “THEO!?”

*

Liam sprinted back home as fast as he could. He crashed through the front door and everything from that moment felt like it was happening in slow motion. He ran through the hallway, slided over the floor and crashed on the ground next to Theo’s limp body.

“Theo?” Liam gasped in terror. He wrapped his arms around Theo to flip him over, there was no resistance whatsoever. Tears started to stream down Liam’s face. He pulled Theo closer and started to shake him, trying to wake him up. “Theo, please wake up!”

Liam didn’t know what to do, so he pulled him on his side and started patting his face. When he noticed the pills on the floor he started to shake Theo’s body harder. Liam pressed his head against Theo’s chest, but when he didn’t hear a heartbeat he grabbed Theo’s wrist to check his pulse again. Nothing.

“No no no! Theo! Wake up please, please wake up! I can’t live without you! I don’t wanna live without you!” Liam cried out. He started to press his hands on Theo’s chest in a steady rhythm. “I don’t know how to do this! How am I supposed to do this?”

Liam grabbed his phone and dialed the emergency number. When they picked up, he explained quickly what happened and where he was, help was coming soon.

“You’re not dead.” Liam whispered against Theo’s chest, tears crashing down around him.

Liam started to shake Theo’s dead body again, screaming on the top of his lungs in anguish. Tears didn’t stop streaming down his face, not after the ambulance busted through the door, not after they told Liam it was too late. He kept crying, even after they took Theo’s dead body away. Police started to ask him questions about what had happened, but Liam couldn’t speak. They started checking the house, the bedroom, the hole in the wall, the pills on the ground. Liam’s life would never be the same without Theo in it, he would never find someone as special as Theo. He could never kiss Theo again, never hold his hand, never sleep together. He could never say that he loved Theo more than anything else in this world.

“I’ll love you until the day I die…” Liam whispered.


	2. Good Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes. English is not my native language! ♡  
> Grab your tissues, icecream, chocolate, wine, a pillow to scream in and get ready for this oneshot!  
> Trigger warning? Don't read this if you're in a bad headspace.

**Thiam AU**

_Where Theo and Liam are drug dealers_

_Where Theo is a drug addict_

 

* * *

 

 

“Can you please stop staring at me, we have a lot of deliveries today and I need you to fill these plastic bags with five pills each.” Theo snapped, shoving a bottle full of pills and a few plastic bags towards Liam.

Liam didn’t react and instead kept staring at Theo’s face as if his face was the most interesting piece of art on this world. Which probably was when Liam thought of it. He could look at his perfect jawline and messy hair for hours, or his beautiful eyes and full lips… or his cute nose? Liam ticked with his finger on the table to draw Theo’s attention.

“Are you really getting your nose pierced?” Liam asked curiously. “I’m just trying to imagine it, so I can figure out if I’m gonna like it or not.”

“Liam!” Theo yelled angrily, slamming his fist on the table.

“Okay, okay! You should totally get it, I think it will suit your edgy personality…” Liam murmured, grabbing the bottle and plastic bags quickly. They stayed quiet for a few minutes, filling the plastic bags with pills in silence, but Liam hated silences so it didn’t take long for Liam to open his mouth again.

“But are you really getting your nose pierced?” Liam asked quietly. Theo threw his head back and closed his eyes while taking a deep breath.

“Why is it so difficult to get mad at you.” Theo grunted, shaking his head. He didn’t understand how he’d end up with Liam in a shady student house and selling drugs almost everyday. Becoming roommates with Liam was the worst or best decision of his life. He felt slight remorse for Liam because Theo dragged him into the drug dealers circuit, but Liam needed money and a roof above his head so it was a win/win situation really.

“Was that a compliment?” Liam’s head shot up, blinking at Theo in confusion.

“Sure buddy…” Theo said, patting Liam on the back and standing up. He grabbed the black backpack from under the table and filled it with the drugs that he was going to sell today. Liam stood up as well, but Theo pushed him back down on the chair.

“Remember what happened the last time you tried to sell these?” Theo said warningly, waving with his backpack in front of Liam’s face. Theo regretted it immediately when he saw Liam’s smile disappear. In a reflex Liam touched his face, remembering the moment he almost got beaten up to death when he decided to go alone instead of waiting to go together with Theo. He ended up being chased, beaten up and left for dead by a couple of junkies, after they stole all the stash from his backpack. Theo found Liam unconscious on the ground and had to take care of him for more than a week. Theo swore that he would kill the people that did that to Liam if he would cross paths with them again.

“How am I supposed to get money if you don’t let me help? It was three weeks ago, I can’t let you do my job forever.” Liam said, looking down sadly.

“When it’s safe you can join me again…They could come back...” Theo tried, but Liam didn’t look at him anymore. Theo sighed and looked at the clock, he had to leave and he hated to leave when Liam was sad. He lifted Liam’s chin with his hand, forcing him to look up.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to worry. I only have to sell eleven packages and I’ll be back tomorrow, with you favorite food...” Theo murmured, but when Liam didn’t smile or looked slightly happier he placed his fingers on the corners of Liam’s mouth and pressed them up. Liam bursted out laughing, slapping Theo’s hands away. “Works every time.”

“I hate you.” Liam laughed, pushing Theo away.

“I hate you too.” Theo winked at Liam and walked towards the door.

*

“Please, I need more…” A girl with torn clothes launched herself at Theo. “I don’t have enough money for another package after this one, is there anything else I can give you in return?” She grabbed the package out of Theo’s hands and turned around to open the package with shaking hands. Theo stopped her, spun her around and opened his hand.

“Money first.” Theo said sternly, frowning as the girl grabbed a ball of money and dropped it in his palm. He counted the money quickly and wanted to walk away, but the girl grabbed his arm tightly with sweaty hands.

“Wait! I need more…” The girl yelled in panic. She kneeled down in front of Theo and tucked at his jeans, but he pushed her away in disgust before she could unbutton his jeans.

“Don’t put yourself down like that, if you want more you need to find a job and get money. I only exchange drugs for money.” Theo grumbled as he re-adjusted the backpack on his back and swallowed nervously. He was scared that he would become like her if he would run out of money. Would he have sex for drugs?

Theo walked away quickly, leaving the girl alone in the dark. He sighed and noticed that he started quivering like the girl. His mind was going everywhere now; too many thoughts and he couldn’t shut the bad ones out anymore. He was overwhelmed by all his senses and it made him go crazy.

Theo only had to sell nine packages instead of eleven. Theo had lied to Liam again and this time he didn’t feel good about it at all. He always hated it, but it was different this time. Liam was his only friend, his best friend, his roommate, he was even more than that. Theo loved him. The questioning look in Liam’s eyes made his stomach turn, Liam was going to find out soon and Theo would lose him. Theo didn’t want to disappoint him, but he craved the drugs more than he craved Liam. Liam would never forgive him. Would it be better to leave now? It would be better for Liam, Theo thought. He wanted his thoughts to stop, but they only got worse.

Theo walked through the streets quickly, heading to the cash machine at the corner or the main street to withdraw money. With shaking hands he got the money for the last two packages and hurried away. Proof that he sold the other two packages. More lies, more secrets. Theo climbed up a fire exit next to a dark apartment and jumped up to the roof in silence. He kneeled down, removing a loose rock and revealed a bottle full of pills. He opened the bottle with trembling hands and opened the last two packages of drugs. He dropped them on the ground by accident. Breathe in and breathe out slowly, Theo thought. He placed two pills on his tongue and the other pills back in the bottle. He swallowed the pills eagerly, letting himself roll on his back. He looked at the bright full moon in the sky. Breathe in, breathe out. Stars were always hard to see when you lived in a big city, but the moon was always bright at night. Breathe in, breathe out. It didn’t take long for Theo’s vision to become a blur and for everything to become slower and softer. No one or nothing could get to him now, no emotions or complicated feelings, no pain, no stress, just him and the bright moon. He rolled to the side and grabbed the bottle, placing another pill in his mouth. He didn’t even bother to swallow it.

*

“You’re back!” Liam said happily, crashing into Theo who didn’t even get the chance to close the door behind him. When Liam smelled the burgers from his favorite place across the street he looked at Theo with big eyes. “Food…”

“Are you happy to see me or to see the food?” Theo laughed, walking to the kitchen and placing the bags on the counter.

“You of course!” Liam said, eyes fixated on the bags with food. Theo laughed out loud, shaking his head, something he did a lot when he couldn’t understand Liam sometimes. Theo walked back to the hallway to kick out his shoes and to drop his jacket on the ground. He opened his backpack, grabbed the money and walked back to the kitchen where Liam had already unpacked the food.

“Hey Liam…” Theo said, to draw his attention. He threw a hand full of money in the air and made it rain money on Liam. Liam gasped in shock and tried to catch as much as possible.

“You always know how to impress me.” Liam hummed with the biggest smile spread across his face. Theo hooked his finger behind Liam’s jeans and pulled Liam closer without warning.

“Do I?” Theo whispered, face inching closer to Liam’s.

“W-What are you doing?” Liam stuttered and he felt his face heaten up. The moment Liam thought that Theo would actually crash his lips on his mouth, he felt something getting tucked into his jeans. With a yelp he jumped back, grabbing a hand full of money out of his jeans in shock. He looked at his fist full of money and looked at his jeans, then towards Theo and back to the money, processing what just had happened. Theo was looking at him with a daring smile, eyes dark and a look that seemed oddly familiar. Liam couldn’t quite place it, but he had seen it often lately.

“Yup, you definitely know how to impress me.” Liam said, sitting down at the dinner table. He shot Theo a shy smile and started to eat in silence.

 

After dinner, Liam counted the money as always so they could split it up. Liam noticed that they missed some money and he felt stupid when he checked his jeans to see if there was nothing left there by accident.

“Theo, we’re missing like fifty dollars…” Liam said and he catched Theo tensing up when he spoke. Theo was laying on the couch, almost falling asleep as he tried to follow a tv show on the small flat screen on the wall.

“I’m gonna check your jacket, maybe it’s in there because it’s not in your backpack…” Liam mumbled and Theo looked up in shock. Theo jumped up, but he was too late. Liam was already in the hallway.

“Got it! Hey, wait… Theo?” Liam yelled from the hallway. Theo swallowed nervously and walked towards Liam. “I think we have a problem…”

Liam held his hand open, two pills laying on the palm of his hand. He looked at Theo with wide eyes.

“It probably fell out of one of the packages.” Theo said and he wanted to take the pills, but Liam closed his hand.

“If someone finds out that they got three instead of five, that could be a big problem!” Liam yelled in terror. “It’s my fault, I probably didn’t close the packages right. What if they come back, like the others? What if they beat-”

“Liam, calm down! Just calm down… It’s not your fault, we just have to wait for them to contact me and I will bring that person three pills as a ‘sorry’, it will be fine! And not everyone who pays for drugs are bad like the guys that hurt you.” Theo said, pulling Liam in for a hug. He felt so disgusting, lying to Liam like that, making him worry about two pills he wanted to take before he went to sleep. “Let’s just go to sleep…”

 

Theo always slept on the couch, he prefered the couch over the bed in his bedroom. He was shaking again, craving to be drugged and get his thoughts away from everything. He waited for Liam to fall asleep. After a few hours he tiptoed to Liam’s bedroom and opened the door silently. Theo peered inside and when he heard Liam breath in and out heavily he knew he was fast asleep. Theo scurried to the kitchen table where Liam placed the pills.

Theo placed the two pills in his mouth and swallowed quickly. He sat down on the chair and stared into the dark, waiting for the pills to do their job. He jumped up in shock when he heard Liam’s bedroom door.

“Theo?” Liam croaked, questioning why Theo wasn’t sleeping on the couch. He walked towards the kitchen. “Are you okay? Why aren’t you asleep?”

“I’m good, Liam please go back to sleep…” Theo begged, eyes wide in fear. Liam’s eyes scanned over the table and he looked at Theo with a frown. Theo placed his hands on Liam’s shoulders, spun him around and leaded him back towards Liam’s bedroom.

“Wait, I- I have to pee…” Liam whispered and hurried out of the bedroom. Theo waited in Liam’s bedroom and plopped down on his bed. Hoping that Liam would hurry up, because he started to feel heavy. When Liam came back he looked at Theo with disgust.

“Where are the pills? I placed them on the table…” Liam asked with his voice unsteady.

“I placed... put them back in the bottle, because we can still sell them...” Theo whispered. Liam walked towards Theo, stopping in front of him and checking him out. Theo felt the drug kicking in, it made him feel funny and soft. With a grin he grabbed Liam by his waist and pulled him closer. He looked up to meet Liam’s glistening eyes. Not the glistening eyes Liam had when he was happy, the glistening eyes he had when he was sad. Liam knew.

“How many days?” Liam asked, hand wiping away a tear angrily. “That dark look in your eyes, I’ve seen it a lot this week. How many days, Theo?” Theo tried his best to stay into the reality. He didn’t want to smile, he really didn’t, but he had not control over his body. Liam punched him hard in his face out of frustration and anger. Theo’s smiled disappeared and he looked at Liam with a cold face expression. His lip started to bleed, but he couldn’t care less.

“God dammit Theo!” Liam cried out, putting his hands into his hair. “Rule number one! Under no circumstances take the drugs yourself. Those were your words! Your words!”

Theo could hear Liam speak, but couldn’t react. Tears were streaming down Liam’s face, his breathing unsteady. He started to pace back and forth in the bedroom.

“What do I have to do, Theo please tell me…” Liam whispered and he sniffed. He looked at Theo’s emotionless face, breaking into another sob. Theo looked away and shifted on the bed, not being able to watch Liam falling apart any longer.

“I’m- I’m sorry Liam…” Theo stammered. He he clenched his jaw. Theo loved the feeling the drug gave him, but it was different this time. He felt trapped.

“For fucks sake! Why didn’t you tell me! Why did you take it in the first place, I thought you were happy, that we were good. How many things you said to me were drugs influenced you talking?” Liam stopped in front of Theo, ready to punch him in the face again. Instead he sucked up a breath and kneeled in front of Theo, placing his hands on his legs. Theo looked up in surprise and watched a big tear rolling from Liam’s cheek to his chin.

“I’m not letting you destroy yourself. I can help you, I’ll take you to go rehabilitation clinic.” Liam whispered. Theo’s hand found Liam’s wrist awfully fast.

“No.” Theo said coldly.

“I’m not going to watch you die.” Liam swallowed nervously and he inched closer. He had a terrible idea, but it was the only idea that he could come up with. “I’m not gonna sit back and do nothing, I going to help you. If you want it or not.”

“Liam…” Theo sighed, he loosened his grip on Liam’s wrist.

“You’re gonna hate me for doing this, but it’s for your own good…” Liam whispered, inching closer and pressing his lips on Theo’s forehead softly. Theo looked up in surprise, eyes wide and he grabbed Liam’s shirt tightly. Liam moved even closer, tears streaming down his face again and he pressed his lips softly on Theo’s mouth. He deepened the kiss and he tasted the salt from his tears, the iron from Theo’s blood and a distant taste of the drug.

“I’m sorry…” Liam whispered against his lips.

When Liam pulled back from the kiss, he noticed that Theo started crying too. He looked at Liam with the sweetest smile and it broke Liam’s heart in tiny pieces, because Theo would hate him for what he was about to do next.

“I’m sorry…” Liam said again, walking backwards to his bedroom door, reaching for the keys that he placed on the shelf next to his door. When Theo’s mind progressed what Liam was about to do, his face expression changed from love to hate in a split second. Liam grabbed the key with shaking hands, accidentally letting it slip from his hands and it clattered on the ground towards Theo. Theo jumped towards the key, falling on the ground with a loud thud. Liam hurried to the key, grabbing it from the ground before Theo could reach it.

“Liam!” Theo yelled in anger and betrayal. Tears streamed down his face like a waterfall.

“I’m so sorry!” Liam cried out. He felt like he was going to throw up. Quickly he ran outside, closed the door with a bang and locked the door from the other side.

“LIAM!” Theo yelled and he heard shuffling from the other side of the door. “I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU!”

Liam let himself slide down against the door and he broke into a sobbing mess. The panic attack he was trying to suppress hit him like a train as he heard Theo scream on the other side of the door.

“I’m so sorry, Theo I’m sorry…” He kept whispering through the short breaths.

*

“Liam, Liam I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean anything what I said last night…Please, let me out!” Theo begged and he knocked on the door softly. “I won’t take any pills, I promise! I need you to let me out!”

Liam felt more broken than he did when he almost got beaten up to death. With trembling hands he filled the plastic bags with pills and closed them tightly. When the phone that they used for their drug dealing business lit up, he grabbed it slowly. It showed another order with a time and place. Liam looked at his bedroom door nervously.

“I wish we could just run away from this…” Liam whispered sadly.

“LIAM! You have to let me out someday! I’m hungry and I need to go to the toilet… You don’t want your room to be a mess, do you?” Theo yelled from the other side of the door. Liam ignored it, he had seen many drug addicts going through withdrawal symptoms. They would go through three phases. Phase one, Theo would do anything to get his drugs, withdrawal symptoms start and it will drive Theo mad. Phase two, Theo would get sick and the withdrawal symptoms will get physical, he would probably be throwing up a lot and sweating a lot. Phase three, the most important one, Theo would need the strength to overcome his desire and be away from the drugs as far as possible. The last phase would be the hardest, but Liam was trying to figure out how to do that. Run away was not an option.

“I’m gonna jump out of the window…” Theo muttered, but the window that could open was too small. Liam wished he didn’t have anything in his room that could break the glass. “I’m gonna break the fucking window!”

“Theo, you don’t want to do this… This is not you!” Liam yelled back, finally talking to Theo after a long night of ignoring the harsh words that came out of Theo’s mouth.

“Liam! Liam, thank god you’re still here! Please, you have to let me out, please let me out!” Theo begged, knocking on the door loudly.

“No.” Liam simply said, grabbing his backpack and filling it with the packages of drugs.

“LIAM PLEASE!” Theo screamed at the top of his lungs, which made Liam flinch. He hoped no one could hear him.

“I’m going out and deliver some packages Theo, I’ll be back soon.” Liam whispered against the door.

“No, Liam you can’t leave me. Liam, I love you, please don’t leave me alone here!” Theo whimpered, scraping with something against the door. He heard Theo sniffing and he wanted to open the door so badly and lock himself up with Theo. He wanted to hug him, disappear from this world and go somewhere else.

“I’ll be back soon, I love you too Theo…” Liam said, knocking on the door softly. He heard Theo cry on the other side of the door. It broke his heart.

“I love you, I’ll love you until the day I die, Liam please…”

*

At night Theo lost his mind, like actually lost his mind. Liam was still not home and he was worried sick. He didn’t know if it were the withdrawal symptoms that made him sick or that he was actually worried sick. The worst thoughts made a way into his mind and he had slammed his head against the door in a continuous motion to try and make the thoughts stop. Maybe they actually killed Liam this time. Theo couldn’t take it anymore.

“Somebody please open the goddamn door!” Theo yelled, voice raw from all the screaming. Theo paced through the room. He had absolutely destroyed Liam’s bedroom. The closet was laying on it’s side, the clothes were scattered through the room and the mattress was shoved from the bed. The shelves were broken in half and the doorknob from the bedroom door was laying on the ground. There was nothing in the room that he could use to break the window or door with.

After a while Theo couldn’t take it anymore and started running into the door a few times. When the door didn’t budge he ran against the wall and when he created a dent he gasped in shock, laughing maniacally. He did it over and over, until he created a hole to the other side and landed with a loud smack on the floor in the living room. He groaned in pain and crawled back on his feet.

“Can my mind please SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Theo yelled, grabbing his head and pulling at his hair. Theo swore he heard voices.

“FUCK!” Theo yelled and he looked up, scanning the living room. He saw his phone on the couch and he saw the bottle with pills on the kitchen counter. Take the pills.

“NO!” Theo walked towards the kitchen counter and smacked the bottle on the ground. Yes

“Make it stop, please…. I can’t take it anymore!” He cried out, as he dropped on his knees and collected the pills from the ground. One by one he put them in his mouth, scanning the ground for more. Liam is better off without you...

“Liam?” Theo gasped, he stopped collecting the pills immediately. He tried to stand up and walk towards the couch slowly with a fistfull of pills. With shaking hands he picked up his phone, dropping the pills in the action and tried to look into his contacts, but his vision was a blur. He could vaguely see Liam’s face on the screen and pressed on the green button. Liam picked up immediately.

“Theo?” Liam squeaked. Theo tried to speak but no words came out. He cleared his throat and tried again.

“Do you know that feeling when you just want everything to stop? That feeling when life gets too much and you just wish you could disappear. Can you make it stop? Please make it stop…” Theo whispered. His body was shaking and it took a lot of effort to keep his phone close to his ear. The pills that Theo and Liam were supposed to sell were scattered around on the floor next to him.

“Theo? What is happening? Where are you?” Liam asked, voice trembling in fear with every word he tried to get out.

“Liam...”Theo choked out, gasping for air.

“Theo! Theo, where are you? I’m going-” Liam was cut off by loud banging noises that were coming from Theo. “THEO!?”

*

Liam sprinted back home as fast as he could. He crashed through the front door and everything from that moment felt like it was happening in slow motion. He ran through the hallway, slided over the floor and crashed on the ground next to Theo’s limp body.

“Theo?” Liam gasped in terror. He wrapped his arms around Theo to flip him over, there was no resistance whatsoever. Tears started to stream down Liam’s face. He pulled Theo closer and started to shake him, trying to wake him up. “Theo, please wake up!”

Liam didn’t know what to do, so he pulled him on his side and started patting his face. When he noticed the pills on the floor he started to shake Theo’s body harder. Theo’s eyes shot open and he rolled on his side to threw up all the pills before they had the chance to dissolve in his stomach.

“YOU IDIOT!” Liam yelled in shock. “You scared the shit out of me!”

Theo made a noise of agreement as he tried to sit back up. He grabbed Liam’s hands and let his head rest on Liam’s shoulder. His breath coming out as wheezes.

“Do you love me?” Liam asked and Theo squeezed Liam’s hands. “Do you want to be with me?”

Theo looked up, eyes dark from the drugs that had found its way into his bloodstream. He nodded and tried to crack a smile.

“I’m going to send you to a rehabilitation clinic, okay? I will visit you as many times as I can and I will figure out a way for us to stop dealing drugs. Do you trust me? I will get you the help that you need.” Liam said in a breath.

Theo nodded, dropping his head against Liam’s shoulder again.

“Then it’s a deal.” Liam hummed, wrapping his arms around Theo tightly. “Never touch that shit again.”


End file.
